I am tired. Instead of yelling at me for something I haven't done for you, ask if you can help me. Instead of complaining about what's for dinner, offer a suggestion or two BEFORE I go to the grocery store. I'm tired. Instead of having an attitude about what I didn't get while I was at the store, say thank you for all the things I did get. Instead of complaining about the ONE shirt that isn't clean, thank me for doing all the other laundry. I'm tired. Don't complain about having the same thing two nights in a row. Be thankful we have extra time to spend together since I didn't have to cook again. Please don't be sitting there watching TV while having a snack as I'm walking in the door from work and ask what's for dinner... then proceed to go on with the above mentioned items. I'm not lazy. I'm tired. Don't complain about emptying the dishwasher EVERY SINGLE TIME. Just put the things away. I'm not a personal servant, don't treat me that way. Today, I got up got ready for work, went to work for a little while, took you to the dentist, stopped so you could have a snack, took you home, went back to work. Worked. Came home, threw in a load of laundry, made dinner, took you to judo and took you to Walmart to get a few things you needed. We got home at 8:30. I went next door to catch up with my friend for a few minutes and you show up complaining that I forgot to get something at the store BOTH of us were just at. You go home only to return that the dinner I left for you earlier was not edible and what was I going to do about your dinner. When I came home I was met with when are YOU doing such and such for me? Here's your answer. I'm not. The saddest part of all of this.... you're only 10 years old. Sure a lot of people will say that I made this monster... however, I didn't. Life as you know it is changing. I'm tired.

April 11, 2012

I was reminded by a dear friend that blogging is a great way to spill the wildly running thoughts in my mind. I can't seem to pinpoint why I get away from it so easily. I'm guessing it's this little thing called Life. I'm working on building a good relationship with Michael, my recently surfaced brother. I'd looked for so many years to find nothing. So many times I wanted to just talk to him. His birthday, 9/11, the day my daughter was born, the breast cancer scare, when my grandparents passed away. My heart ached knowing he was out there, somewhere, but all my search roads lead me back to the same thing... FILE SEALED. Then the blessing of blessings... he contacted our family. Recently, he shared childhood photo albums, stories and laughs with me. Then he presented me with something. I asked what it was... he said... this is the file that was sealed. He handed me to the file to go through as I wished. The notes his eager mother had written, the adoption papers and a sweet, loving, journal kept by his foster mother. I am beyond blessed that these precious items were shared with me. I would have never asked to see them and, further more, would have never expected to see them. I feel this relationship is progressing well. In January, our family suffered a very sudden death. My Uncle Joe passed away in his sleep. His wife had just died a little over two years before him. Their two daughters, Samantha and Sydney are now with their Grandma Parrott. They will be moving to Oaklahoma in the summer. Two days ago Peyton brought a composition book to me. It was a prayer journal I had started in 2009. As I flipped through it, I was quickly reminded how quickly life changes. How quickly everything we knew as "normal" can be changed. The last two weekends I've spent a lot of time with family and old friends in Morgantown. To see children growing up into young adults, to see age taking over my grandmothers face, to see Gary realizing he can't go on, to see great accomplishments for Marcie & Keith, to see my children flying kites with Bub and his family. Time, yes have it. Cherish it.