Where have I been?

Things have been going at warp speed here lately. On May 19th I had to have surgery. I was supposed to be down for two days, but was down for seven. Went back to work on the 27th.

On May 31 my father in law called me to tell me that my mother in law had shot herself and she was dead. He was beyond beside himself. Explaining to a six year that her Jammy wouldn't be around anymore was so hard. Especially after she took it so hard when her great grandfather passed away in January.

I know it's not for me to understand, but how does someone get to the point that they can't take life any longer? How is you get voices in your head that tell you to kill yourself? When does all of this happen? How does it happen? Please, someone tell me. Yes, she'd been mentally ill for a very long time and for the last ten years had been in and out of psychiatic hospitals and facilities. She threatened it many times, and attempted it a few times. It makes me sad to know that someone can't go on knowing that God loves them, their family loves them, their friends love them, and their grandchildren adore them. How is that the memories of tucking your babies into bed at night don't give you a reason to go on?

How is it someone can fight cancer to be with their family and another can just end it?

Yes, I'm angry. My husband, who is an amazing man told me this... I'm not angry with her. She didn't want to go on. She hasn't been happy for a long time. She got what she wanted. Amazing. He says he said goodbye to her a long time ago when she no longer the mom he grew up with.