I am tired. Instead of yelling at me for something I haven't done for you, ask if you can help me. Instead of complaining about what's for dinner, offer a suggestion or two BEFORE I go to the grocery store. I'm tired. Instead of having an attitude about what I didn't get while I was at the store, say thank you for all the things I did get. Instead of complaining about the ONE shirt that isn't clean, thank me for doing all the other laundry. I'm tired. Don't complain about having the same thing two nights in a row. Be thankful we have extra time to spend together since I didn't have to cook again. Please don't be sitting there watching TV while having a snack as I'm walking in the door from work and ask what's for dinner... then proceed to go on with the above mentioned items. I'm not lazy. I'm tired. Don't complain about emptying the dishwasher EVERY SINGLE TIME. Just put the things away. I'm not a personal servant, don't treat me that way. Today, I got up got ready for work, went to work for a little while, took you to the dentist, stopped so you could have a snack, took you home, went back to work. Worked. Came home, threw in a load of laundry, made dinner, took you to judo and took you to Walmart to get a few things you needed. We got home at 8:30. I went next door to catch up with my friend for a few minutes and you show up complaining that I forgot to get something at the store BOTH of us were just at. You go home only to return that the dinner I left for you earlier was not edible and what was I going to do about your dinner. When I came home I was met with when are YOU doing such and such for me? Here's your answer. I'm not. The saddest part of all of this.... you're only 10 years old. Sure a lot of people will say that I made this monster... however, I didn't. Life as you know it is changing. I'm tired.

April 11, 2012

I was reminded by a dear friend that blogging is a great way to spill the wildly running thoughts in my mind. I can't seem to pinpoint why I get away from it so easily. I'm guessing it's this little thing called Life. I'm working on building a good relationship with Michael, my recently surfaced brother. I'd looked for so many years to find nothing. So many times I wanted to just talk to him. His birthday, 9/11, the day my daughter was born, the breast cancer scare, when my grandparents passed away. My heart ached knowing he was out there, somewhere, but all my search roads lead me back to the same thing... FILE SEALED. Then the blessing of blessings... he contacted our family. Recently, he shared childhood photo albums, stories and laughs with me. Then he presented me with something. I asked what it was... he said... this is the file that was sealed. He handed me to the file to go through as I wished. The notes his eager mother had written, the adoption papers and a sweet, loving, journal kept by his foster mother. I am beyond blessed that these precious items were shared with me. I would have never asked to see them and, further more, would have never expected to see them. I feel this relationship is progressing well. In January, our family suffered a very sudden death. My Uncle Joe passed away in his sleep. His wife had just died a little over two years before him. Their two daughters, Samantha and Sydney are now with their Grandma Parrott. They will be moving to Oaklahoma in the summer. Two days ago Peyton brought a composition book to me. It was a prayer journal I had started in 2009. As I flipped through it, I was quickly reminded how quickly life changes. How quickly everything we knew as "normal" can be changed. The last two weekends I've spent a lot of time with family and old friends in Morgantown. To see children growing up into young adults, to see age taking over my grandmothers face, to see Gary realizing he can't go on, to see great accomplishments for Marcie & Keith, to see my children flying kites with Bub and his family. Time, yes have it. Cherish it.

Random Things That Cross My Mind

I often think of these things.. maybe if I put them down on "paper"....

*Yes, I tell my friends I love them. You shouldn't be afraid to do the same.
*I have a tattoo and it doesn't make me a bad person.
*I drink, but I'm not a crazed out alcoholic, I ask you to consider this when judging me.
*Just because I speak my mind, I'm not hateful.
*Don't be afraid to talk to me.
*If you choose to judge me from a far, don't tell the masses what you think you know about me.
*First I'm a mother. Don't ask me to choose.
*Love me or hate me, but don't be rude about it.
*Don't ask me for my opinion if you really don't want it.
*I consider myself a "real" person.
*Because my favorite TV show is called The Big Bang Theory, it doesn't mean I'm a non-believer in Christ.
*While I don't work at my daughters school, I still refer to it as our school in a conversation.
*I love to laugh and most times I laugh loudly. I'm happy.
*I volunteer at our school when I can, I work full time, I'm a mother, an employee, a wife, a friend, a neighbor. I can't do it all, all the time, nor do I pretend that I can.
*I love my neighbors. I wish everyone had a next door neighbor as wonderful as mine. The world would be a happier place.
*I listen to all types of music.
*I love to stand by the ocean and listen to the waves and the birds. Often times it brings tears to my eyes to see the wonders of God.

Piss Poor Parents

Over the past few months I have found out just exactly what kind of men some "fathers" can be. I am completely shocked at the face these men put on. Really.... get a job... keep your job. Do not put your worries onto your young children. Telling them things like... Daddy owes the government so much money they will probably put in jail because I can't pay it... And... Calling your son trash and telling him he's a freak and belongs on a Jerry Springer SHow.... just so you "daddy dear" can look cool in front of your girlfriends kids who are teenagers. YOU SUCK AS A FATHER!!!

Friends. 1/4/09

First and foremost I want to say that I have the greatest friends. Many are going through hardships right now and I pray for their strength and safety. Tonight I was enlightened to the fact that a friend that I've had for 22 years told my husband that he would be civil to me because I was his wife, but that was it. Talk about a blow to the heart. He and his wife are divorcing and he feels I'm not being a good friend to him by confirming many things he's dreamed up in his mind. I know there are so many things I could say that would do nothing more than put him down. My thoughts are this: I'll pray for his strength and healing. As far as our friendship goes: it's his loss. I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

Then there are friends who have seen us through a lifetime! There was a group of kids I used to run around with growing up. We'd play hide and seek til well after dark, ride our bikes all over town, explore the woods. But you know what. We weren't trouble makers. We didn't do things to get in trouble. We just enjoyed being together as friends. Out of this group I found something so precious, my friendship with Gary. I can't even begin to tell you how many movies we watched together, how many laughs we shared, how many decks of cards we shuffled the faces off of. I don't ever recall really having a fight with him. If we did, it was nothing serious, because it was so easily forgotten. Friendship with him is comfortable. No matter how much time has passed, our friendship is still there. It's easy. I hope one day my daughter finds a friend like Gary. He will make her laugh til she cries, and when she cries, he'll cheer her up til she laughs.
We've seen each other through boyfriends and girlfriends (me the boys and he the girls), (HA HA HA). Marriage, children, the joys of parenthood and the everyday things that come with growing into adults.

More friends tomorrow.

1/1/09 It's all new

This year I don't have the typical resolutions. This year, I want to be healthier, if I lose some weight in the meantime, great, if not, great. I want to feel better, physically and emotionally. 2008 was a pure roller coaster of emotion. Too many times I felt so overwhelmed I thought I was going to implode. I'm so thankful to my many friends who helped keep me sane. I am truly in awe of my husband. I'm not sure how he tolerated me this past year. I rarely tolerated myself. I feel that I neglected relationships with my husband and my daughter, as well as many friends. This year, I'm going to be a better person. I'm going to journal to get my thoughts out of my head. So many times I've told Peyton to write down what she's feeling. I should have taken my own advice. She's the brightest spot in my life. My husband is my rock, my shoulder and the helping hand that has helped pull me out of this funk called 2008. There have also been many blessings this year. Some things I'm thankful for... visits with family. My husbands new job. Friends. A warm home. A blessed family. Broken hearts that mend. I know that this year has taught me many life lessons. WOW! Who knew at 37 I could learn so much is so little time. My advice: Nurture friendships; you never know what will happen. Nurture your spouse; often times that's who's going to pull you up. Nurture your family; you never know what will happen. Nurture you, keep your head clear. Hug someone everyday. Tell someone you love them everyday. Here's to an awesome 2009!

Vera

Ok.. I got my new Vera Bradley catalog today. Flipped through at the mailbox and found a purse that I was totally and instantly in love with. I normally think my purchase out when the new book comes. Not this time... I knew exactly what I wanted. I didn't even go back into the house, I got in my truck and drove straight to the store, walked in... straight to the Vera section. I saw the "Morgan" in every fabric but the Cafe Latte. So I ask, ever so politely, the woman who is putting out a new shipment of Vera if they have it... mind you my mouth is practically watering. She says to me as she's walking to the back ... I might have one in the two boxes I'm putting away in the back. So I get so excited that's she's going to bring my beloved Cafe Latte Morgan out to meet her proud new mama. Then, as she continues to walk to the back she says.... You can come back this evening or tomorrow to see if we have one. I said.. WHAT? She said.. yes, tonight or tomorrow. I said.. OH! Well, thank you OH SO MUCH and left. Can you believe it? Guess where I WILL NOT be returning to buy my new Miss Morgan...